


The Chew

by thealmostviki



Series: a-haunting we will go (ghost au) [3]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Ghost Bears, Pets, no archive warnings or anything, wow look at me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 01:02:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13179048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealmostviki/pseuds/thealmostviki
Summary: “We can’t keep it,” Logan said flatly, fingers massaging his head to nurse his budding headache. "You know we can't keep it. Why did you even bring it here?""Aw come on, Logan," Virgil said, his smile too wide for the way it didn't reach his eyes. "Did you want me to leave it all by itself? It's so young and helpless.""It's a bear. We can't keep a bear as a pet!"Or: Logan doesn't like pets and pets don't like Roman.





	The Chew

**Author's Note:**

> This is 20% an apology for the last fic being kinda bad/super duper sad, 20% because I wanted a fun update, and 60% a chance for me to project my love of bears onto Roman Virgil and Patton. 
> 
> Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine, as always.
> 
> Happy New Year!

 “We can’t keep it,” Logan said flatly, fingers massaging his head to nurse his budding headache. "You know we can't keep it. Why did you even bring it here?"

     "Aw come on, Logan," Virgil said, his smile too wide for the way it didn't reach his eyes. "Did you want me to leave it all by itself? It's so young and helpless."

    "It's a _bear._ We can't keep a _bear_ as a pet!"

    "If I remember correctly, the possibility of ghost bears was a major selling point for moving to Montana."

     He must be enjoying Logan's suffering. It's the only reason Logan could think of as to why Virgil would ever in any circumstance approve of keeping a bear cub in their house. Logan watched the cub amble peacefully in circles around Patton, sometimes nipping at his fingers. 

    "No!" Patton says, pulling his fingers away. "No biting!"

    The bear made a noise that sounded, dare he say it, _disappointed,_ and lowered its head in apology. Patton melted, scooping the cub up in his arms and cooing at it like it was a baby, and the cub licked his face.

     It was bizarre. Logan learned he was dead not long ago yet this series of events proved far more distressing. He turned to Roman for some form of support but found, to his despair, Roman watching Patton and the bear cub with a wide grin on his face. He noticed Logan's glare and stepped back defensively.

     "Come on, Logan. How many chances do you get in life to have exotic pets?"

    "It's not an exotic pet. Virgil literally found it in the woods out back and carried it home."

    "You're welcome," Virgil said, raising a hand in a sarcastic wave. The bear cub made a small whining sound that rattled in Logan's ears and climbed into Virgil's lap, settling down with its head on Virgil's knee. Virgil's smug smile faltered a bit as a tinge of real emotion shone through, and he ran his hand over the bear cub's fur like he was scared the animal would leave. Patton screamed with delight, turning to face the pair of them better. Roman took out his cell phone and snapped a picture, and even though Virgil's eyes darted up, he didn't complain.  

    "We can teach him tricks!" Patton said, eyes shining. "It'll be fun to have an animal in the house with us! We've never had pets before!"

     "Yes, we have," Roman said, raising an eyebrow. "You had a bird back in the nineties, remember? It disappeared."

    "What do you mean it disappeared?" Logan asked, alarmed

    "It went wherever ghost birds go when they die, I guess?" Roman shrugged. "I don't know. It was kind of unclear."

    "Do you mean your ghost bird _died?_ Can ghosts die?"

     "I mean, no, they can't. They just change form. But animals don't have human souls. They have energy."

    "So what you mean to say is your bird ran out of battery," Virgil summarized, still petting the bear cub in his lap. 

    Roman winced. "I wouldn't phrase it exactly like that but-"

    "That's what you said. Your bird ran out of juice and vanished into thin air."

    "But if that's true," Logan said, trying to restore order to this madhouse of a conversation. "Then won't this bear also eventually disa-"

    Three sets of eyes turned to glare at him in tandem. Virgil covered the bear's ears with his hands. "Logan, not in front of the baby. She can hear you."

    If he wasn't already dead Logan thought he would've burst an artery. "It's a _bear!_ "

    "She?" Roman asked.

    Virgil shrugged. "Do any of us know how to sex grizzly bears? No? Then she's a girl."

    "I think we should at least put it to vote," Roman protested.      

    "You can't vote on the sex of an animal. That's just improper," Logan chastised, then clamped his mouth shut to avoid being dragged further into this mess.

    "I don't think she minds us assuming," Virgil pointed out. "She is an animal."

     "Ooh, what are we gonna name her?" Patton asked. "I think it should be something bear related. Like Yogi or Baloo."

    "Isn't that first guy a baseball player?"

     "No that's Yogi Berra," Roman corrected. "Yogi Bear is a cartoon."

    "We're not naming her. It. _Whatever._ " That headache was really gaining steam. "Virgil, take it back to the forest. We don't need an animal traipsing around the house."

    Patton gave Logan the most pitiful expression Logan had ever seen, with a full pout and big eyes. In the past few weeks, he'd gotten better at standing his ground with the others but intelligence was no match for emotional manipulation.

    "Please, Logan? We'll take care of her. You won't even know she's around."

    "First of all, care is not the issue. The bear is already dead. Secondly, I will most _definitely_ notice that there is a _bear_ in the house no matter how well-behaved it is, which will hardly be the quality I'd expect from a domestic animal."

    "Of course she's well-behaved," Patton protested. "She's sitting there all nice in Virgil's lap while you're attacking and belittling her."

    "She's a _bear. She can't understand English._ "

    Patton continued as if Logan hadn't spoken. "And she's never been anything but kind to us." 

    "She has been biting your fingers the entire time you've been here."

    "But she hasn't bitten Virgil at all."

    "That's true," Roman added. "Perhaps that's because Virgil was the one to rescue her from the woods and clean her off. He appears to have earned her trust."

    The bear cub whined in agreement and a small smile spread across Virgil's face. Patton beamed with pride. Something in their expressions lodged in his throat, an emotion he didn't want to express nor acknowledge.

    "I don't know anything about animals," Logan pointed out, his argument weakening. "And neither do any of you."

    "You just pointed out that taking care of her isn't the issue," Virgil reminded him.

     "And besides, I'm great with animals," Roman declared. "I exude such a comforting aura that they flock to me."

    Virgil eyed Roman like he was nuts. "Sorry, what? I've never seen an animal flock to you."

     "Of course _you_ wouldn't," Roman said, turning away with a pompous tilt. "You negate my abilities by scaring them all away. But let me demonstrate.”

     Roman knelt so he was eye level with the bear cub and reached out to touch her head. Everyone watched, silent, as the cub did nothing except whine and stare at Roman's outstretched hand. She raised her head to sniff at his fingers and then licked his hand in approval.

     Roman let out a relieved sigh. "See, Virgil," he said, expression smug. "Nothing to fear."

     Out of nowhere, the bear cub drew it's head back and bit down hard on Roman's hand. If ghosts had bones, Logan was sure he heard a few of them break. Roman yelped in pain and scrambled back from the bear and Virgil covered his mouth with his hand to suppress his loud guffaws of laughter.  

    "No!" Patton scolded, wagging a finger harshly at the bear cub. "No biting! Bad girl!"

    "I take it back!" Roman screeched, cradling his crooked fingers close to his chest. "Send it back into the forest! Logan is right! We can't keep a savage animal!"

    "Calming aura, huh?" Virgil said, forcing his giggles back under control. "Looks like she likes me a bit more than you. I guess I'm the one with the calming aura in this house."

    "Lies!" Roman's face turned red with embarrassment. In Virgil's lap, the cub hissed at Roman and bared its teeth at him, and Roman scooted back further. Patton kept rambling on about names, somehow circling through the circus, Disney and the Care Bears in only a few words. He assumed the eyes he sensed watching him were Virgil's, but when he looked up it was actually the bear cub, looking right at him, it's gaze somehow imploring. Logan could swear it was staring into his soul.

    "Roman, do you really want to get rid of her?" Logan asked, quiet enough that Patton and Virgil couldn't hear them a few feet away.

    Roman scoffed and stood, brushing himself off. "No, of course not. I'm tougher than one little nip from a baby." Then his voice softened and he said, low enough that only Logan could hear. "This is the happiest they've been in a while. I don't exactly want to crush it."

    Just as he'd thought. "Me neither," Logan admitted. The dark air that had settled over the house since Virgil's return had lightened considerably since he'd walked through the door with a bear in his arms. Guilt was still thick in the air and Logan couldn't figure out whose, but whatever portion of it had been Virgil's was gone now, his attention spent on other things besides his self-loathing. The reprieve was nice both for him and Roman. Logan hated conflict, especially when he was on the outside yet forced to endure it all the same. Caution didn't suit Roman's features well at all.  

    He must've been silent for too long because Virgil raised his eyes to meet Logan's, hesitant. "I mean, if it really bothers you, Logan, I'll take her back. I don't want you to be uncomfortable in this house."

    Logan pushed his glasses up on his nose and took a steadying breath.  

    "If you really think you can train her," he began, and Patton's eyes lit up. "-and you keep her far away from Roman, it should be fine."

    "Yes!" Virgil said, pumping his fist in the air. Roman hesitated. 

    "Are you sure, Logan?"

    Logan sighed and closed his eyes, trying to figure out the list of choices in his life-or rather, his death-that had led him to this point and determine if he regretted any of them, but sadly, he didn't.

    "Yes, I'm sure. One request...don't name her something ridiculous."

    Patton clapped with excitement and Virgil beamed.  

    "What about Winnie?" Patton suggested.

    "Like Winnie the Pooh?" Roman clarified. "But Winnie isn't a bear. She's a pooh."

    "No, she's a _pooh bear._ "

     “But that’s not a real kind of bear.”

    "I'd imagine it’s just as real as a ghost bear is, Roman, if you want me to be frank."

    Virgil didn't comment; he stared down at the bear in his lap with a soft smile, his fingers laced in with her fur. It was the most peaceful he'd looked in weeks. Another layer of tension evaporated off the house.

    "I like Winnie," Logan said. "It's decent."

    "I agree," Virgil said, and Winnie let out a high whine that Logan supposed he was meant to interpret as happiness.  

    "Bears don't understand English," he muttered weakly, knowing it was futile. Apparently, he knew less about bears than he'd originally thought.  

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up anytime at my tumblr!-[@astralbone](https://astralbone.tumblr.com/)


End file.
